Below is a guide submitted to us regarding finding a kinky partner online for fetishes, bondage or spanking. Many things to consider and precautions to take. If you are curious about meeting a partner for kinky activities live we recommend reading the Fetish Party Guide at BDSM Files taking you inside BDSM clubs, fetish parties, kinky events and the like.

By far your safest bet for meeting a partner for play is to join a respected spanking group in your area. Unfortunately not all areas have large enough populations of spanking people to form one. And meeting strangers met in Internet chatrooms, personal ads, and other places is risky indeed. There is no shortage of stalkers looking for victims. But if your situation dictates this as the only means for meeting a complimentary partner, then please follow the protocols described below. This will not eliminate the risk, but may help reduce it. Please take all the steps outlined as if your life depended on it.
1.) Before meeting anyone, chat for a long time – at least 6 weeks. The more you chat the more comfortable a person becomes and the more their true colors begin to show. And trust your instincts – if it doesn’t feel right, it isn’t. During this time DO NOT reveal your host internet address as it can be traced to your location. Use Hotmail, or any other free email service where you can maintain anonymity.

2.) Before arranging any meeting, talk to the person on the phone – at least 4 times. As stated previously, the comfort level increases and a better impression of the person is gained. DO NOT exchange phone numbers until you’ve chatted for at least 6 weeks (see item #1 above). Every area of the country has a ‘reverse’ telephone directory where your name and address can be found. Again, trust your instincts!

3.) If you choose to meet someone that you feel comfortable about, select a public place (e.g. McDonalds, Wendy’s, etc.) where there public telephones, and the general public is present as well as trained staff. DO NOT agree to go directly to a person’s residence. Meet them at the pre-arranged public destination for further chat, with no promise of anything but to meet. Follow your instincts closely whenever you meet someone, and prepare by making the following pre-arrangements:

 A.)  Leave a note at home with the person's name, email address and telephone number, the time and where you plan to meet. 

 B.)  Phone a close friend and tell them you're meeting someone you met on the Internet.  Provide them with the same information listed on the note above, and the location (in your home) of the note in case they don't write it down. You don't have to tell them why, only that you're meeting someone.  A friend will understand. 

 C.)   Pre-arrange two (2) times to call the friend listed in #B above.  If you don't call, this is cause for concern. The first should be 30 minutes after the meeting time.  This gives you time to chat, and reflect on the nature of your partner - an opportunity to examine your instincts and let your friend know you're OK.  The second call should come 2-3 hours later, reassuring your friend that you're still OK and there is no cause for alarm. 

4.) If you have a description (or photo) of the person, and their car you can watch for them. If they have no photo, a good method of identification is to print your name on a business envelope and place it in front of you where you’re sitting.

5.) After greeting and chatting to get a “feel” for the person, and there’s a connection don’t forget to make the call indicated in #3C above! If your instincts tell you otherwise, make the call and inform your friend that this is nothing to pursue and that you’re leaving NOW. Inform the potential partner that you’re simply not comfortable and can’t go any further. If you fear a confrontation, tell them something unexpected has come up and that you need to leave immediately. Walk briskly to your car and immediately drive off – you don’t need to explain anything.

6.) If the person you meet seems OK to your instincts and you choose to continue, ask them to show you their Driver’s License. This is not a rude or inappropriate request. If someone doesn’t appreciate your want of safety, the then this should be cause for concern. If the name and picture don’t match the identity they’ve given you, leave immediately.

7.) If all is OK so far, and you choose to go to a residence, then take separate cars. DO NOT accept a ride. Make mental notes on landmarks (places of business, churches, etc. where you turn) as you follow. And be sure the address matches the one listed on the Driver’s License when you arrive, otherwise keep driving on.

8.) If all is OK, be sure to make that second call listed in #3C above! And if you do choose to play with a stranger, here are some things to keep in mind:

 A.)  NEVER do anything that you're the least bit uncomfortable with. 

 B.)  NEVER let anyone try out a toy that they haven't used before.  Ask!  

 C.)  DO NOT feel pressured into sex, or exchange sex for play.  That isn't what this is about. 

 D.)  Agree of a safeword to STOP the play.  "Red" is a common word to stop, with "yellow" indicating that you're fast approaching your limit.  If not observed, it's time to LEAVE.  If this isn't respected, nothing else will be.  Avoid confrontation.  

9.) Understand that safe and sane play is YOUR responsibility. This protocol gives you many chances to re-examine your choices with many ‘outs’ along the way. Bottoms (and especially submissives) have the right to control their own destiny. And “NO” is an acceptable word under any circumstances! If your choices are not respected, then YOU are not respected. Please – don’t be a victim. Trust your instincts and do what you know (and feel) to be right. In “vanilla” life, people regret the choices they didn’t make. In this “scene,” people regret the choices they did made. Choose wisely.